By Owen Marcus
Co-founder
MELD.community
Dir of Innovation
Like most men, I grew up learning to not feel or express what I felt or wanted. Unfortunately, I became a master of those skills. When everyone around you has the same limitations, it is difficult to recognize those limitations. It wasn’t until I started my journey into somatics (working with the body emotionally and physically) that I became aware of the depth of my disconnection. A roommate of mine gave up his law practice and moved to Boulder, CO to study somatics. He was so insistent that I study somatics as well that I agreed to try what I said I would never do. And it changed my life for the better.
In a world that often expects men to navigate their emotions with stoic independence, we discovered a new model that encourages a bottom-up approach deeply rooted in the science of emotional physiology. Here are five key lessons that can revolutionize how men approach their emotions and lives, promoting a healthier, more connected existence.
1. It’s Not Just You: Understanding the Role of Stress, Trauma, and Culture
Men often internalize societal messages that equate vulnerability with weakness, leading to a reluctance to seek help. However, the science of emotional physiology — the core of our SomawareÔ model — teaches us that responses to stress and trauma are not personal failings but physiological processes. By framing challenges in terms of somatic experiences rather than psychological failings, men see that their struggles are common and manageable. This understanding shifts the perspective from shame and victimhood to empowerment and agency.
It also sets us on the road to developing tools to release old stress and stop recreating and holding on to it. When we address stress at the level at which it first occurs – in our body — we address it at a causal level. Developing new skills that foster more awareness and stress down-regulation teaches our body and mind to be more stress resilient. What was an unconscious stress response of jaw-clenching and angry reactions evolves into the insight to feel tension build and the ability to breathe while speaking in a more vulnerable and connection-building manner.
2. You Are Not Alone: Building Communal Connections
One of the most groundbreaking aspects of our work is the emphasis on communal growth and connection. Traditional models of men’s emotional health often focus on the individual; we leverage our instinctual need for community — a practice deeply rooted in peer-to-peer support and communal learning. This approach not only provides an emotionally safe spaces, but it also enhances learning through the power of example and shared experience, promoting long-term personal transformation and emotional fluency.
When we access our ancestral genome for a tribe, our biology works for us. I continue to be surprised by how men change and find a sense of purpose when they get to show up as themselves, and that makes a difference for another man.
3. Real Men Do Ask for Help: Embracing Needs
We introduce men to “Communal Somaware,” a model that combines somatic processing with communal resonance. This concept is based on the understanding that emotional and physiological experiences are best navigated together in community settings. Collective Co-regulation (when our physiology unconsciously syncs with another’s) is pivotal, helping men to align their emotional states with those around them, enhancing empathy, support, and, ultimately, healing. This alignment is not imposed; it is generated by men down-regulating and being open to their own and others’ experiences.
It quickly becomes surprising for a new man to see how other men are vulnerable, often doing what we are taught not to do — asking for help. When we feel safe and trust others, asking for help becomes a natural act.
4. Redefining Strength: Somatic Mindfulness and Emotional Physiology
At the heart of our methodology is somatic mindfulness: the practice of using body awareness as a conduit for emotional awareness and expression. This skill helps men connect with their internal states through practices like ROC (slow down to Relax, Open up to vulnerability, reach out to Connect) to foster connection and SAC (Shake, Act, Connect) to release current and past stress, which fosters self-regulation and co-regulation. By focusing on physiological rather than purely psychological solutions, MELD helps men achieve a deeper, more authentic connection with themselves and others.
When men discover that connecting to their somatic and emotional experiences gives them energy — despite some initial fear – they eventually find that they are no longer exhausted from holding on to their stress. They are freer to be present in the moment and let go of what is stressful.
5. Learning to Get Emotions “Right”: Moving Towards Emotional Fluency
The journey towards emotional agency involves unlearning many misconceptions about masculinity and emotional expression. MELD’s model challenges the traditional view that emotional vulnerability is feminine, instead advocating for a balanced understanding of what it means to show up authentically as a man. This involves recognizing that parts of the traditional male model are outdated and embracing a new framework that values emotional expression and physiological understanding as strengths rather than weaknesses.
This is not a model of weakness; it is a model of asserted vulnerability.
Embracing a New Paradigm
MELD’s approach, grounded in the latest scientific understanding of stress, trauma, and emotional physiology, offers a robust alternative to traditional models of men’s emotional health. By fostering communal resonance and leveraging the power of somatic experiences, MELD challenges and changes how men think about and engage with their emotions. This communal Somaware model is about more than just individual healing; it is about transforming communities and, by extension, the broader societal understanding of masculinity and emotional health.
We are no longer stuck in a bi-polar model that defines men as either hypo-masculine (solely modeling women on how to feel and express emotions) or hyper-masculine (attempting to achieve a place of dominance). Our genome and biology can guide us to a natural balance.
