Are you surprised to hear that American people aged 50-64 are only slightly less likely to be single than women 18-29? Both groups hover around 30% single.
Around 60 million people over 50 are single if you top the age range at 65.
So please don’t tell me there is nobody for you.
“If you exist, they exist.”
After 20 years in the love coaching business, I can tell you that YOU are not as unique (or unlucky) as you imagine. There is a good reason you haven’t found your soulmate yet and it is never what you think it is!
The first “do” of dating over 50 is…
- Do learn to believe in love again.
If you don’t believe in love or you don’t believe it can happen for you, you’ll prove yourself right. You are that powerful!
Unconscious bias plays out over and over until we name it and stop it. When we believe something to be true, we prove it by selectively noticing evidence that matches our theories and ruling out evidence to the contrary.
No matter how you’ve been hurt before or whatever might still be unresolved, you CAN believe in love again if you do the right work.
- Do admit that you want to find love and tell the people around you.
It’s not that you need a partner; you don’t. You’ve proven that. But, if you WANT one, please be ready to vulnerably admit that!
If you have not admitted to yourself what you want and told your community, you should be very suspicious about why not.
- Do take amazing care of yourself, so you have the right energy for dating.
If you are of a certain age, you might just be plain exhausted from raising kids, caring for aging parents, excelling at your job, and having menopause mess up your sleep!
You are going to need to revitalize yourself to have the energy for dating and to show up vibrant on dates. That means handling these oft-ignored areas:
-Sleep
-Hydration
-Hormone balance
-Vices
-Exercise
-Asking for help when you need it
- Do learn about the current trends in dating, so you can play the game with minimum fatigue!
The more choice you have, the less happy you are. Because millions of potential mates are at your fingertips with apps, people are always looking for the next, better, thing. Ghosting is much more prevalent now, and it can hurt.
The amount of action you have to take to find your person now is just MORE (and different) than it used to be. Many people really met their sweetheart in high school or college– but please note that the majority of those unions did NOT work out!
All this just means you need better tactical and mindset strategies to protect your heart.
Here are the “don’ts” of dating over 50:
- Don’t poo-poo online!
That’s like knowing you need to buy a fancy dress or suit and refusing to go to a mall or department store to look. Online is where the PEOPLE are.
- Don’t think it’s too late to do your inner work.
My 60-something client TK had done every kind of personal growth work, except for one last thing, resolving her past traumas. After going through my process, she finally had what I call “the click” and started to believe in love again. Two weeks after the shift, she met Greg, and they fell deeply in love almost right away. When we started, she couldn’t believe a man like him even existed!
- Don’t get spooked easily by lying, ghosting or hard work.
Lying is happening online; don’t be offended by it. Just get to know your possible date via a video call before meeting in person. You can usually find out the truth about their height, weight, age, and living and employment situation very easily this way.
It’s your job to avoid “dud dates”!
Part of dating effectively is like learning guitar; it will hurt until you develop calluses, so set your mind right. If you are doing it “right,” occasionally someone will get hurt, and sometimes it will be you. Forcing yourself (and them) to assess and decide in the first few dates if the match is good helps both parties take the ending less personally.
Dating effectively takes work. It’s an honest job, it’s just that you haven’t been trained for it.
- Don’t go back in time, values wise. Get modern!
If inequality didn’t work for you in the past, don’t try that again! You and your potential mate have learned a lot you can now put to use in the modern era!
Equality between the sexes is new(ish). Maybe in your marriage, you were expected to be subservient. Maybe your partner was absent a lot or not emotionally available. That’s not the norm anymore!
- Don’t you dare say there is nobody out there for you.
Back to my original point: There are literally millions of people out there also looking for something real. And new people are coming on the market through choice, divorce, and death, literally every minute.
My dears, your excuses are looking flimsier and flimsier next to the delicious possibility and opportunity true companionship is. Maybe you’re just scared?If you are looking for new confidence with dating, join me on July 10th at 7 pm for a transformational dating over 50 workshop. I can’t wait to meet you! zoom link
